For those of you who are tired of the old, boring, "I will be out of the office until blah blah blah,"
we at CAK Publishing are providing, as a public service, alternative messages that you can use to inform
your friends and colleagues that you have a life, and are not hanging around your inbox praying that they
send you the latest joke. Here goes:
- I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
- I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
- You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you
wouldn't have received anything at all.
- Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.
- I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18.
Please be patient and your email will be deleted in the order it was received.
- Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each
additional word in your message.
- The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please
restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how
many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)
- Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and
can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
- Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.
- Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response. (Will they wait?)
- Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
- I've run away to join a different circus.
- I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as
'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.